Lonlienes is the the one that has broken me. Probably because, NEWS FLASH: meeting girls is so much easier when drinking booze at night and early in the morning at parties, bars and clubs. mills: brianvan: It’s not so much that I feel like I absolutely NEED a drink… though all this water is keeping my taste buds quite bored… but alcohol seems to be the keystone of all decent spontaneous social plans in NYC. What the hell am I supposed to do that DOESN’T involve alcohol? I hate to say it, but there is a difficult adjustment period. Years in, I go out all the time: to bars, clubs, parties, and I rarely miss a Mardi Gras, and I never feel temptation. The urge comes, I find, when I’m alone or depressed or enraged or facing some dire life circumstance like heartbreak. Proximity to alcohol isn’t a problem; proximity to not giving a fuck is. That said, there’s no avoiding this fact: American social activity in particular (and much of the world’s in general) is based on “celebration,” on social gatherings whose energy and raison d’etre come from a cathartic excitement and an existential exceptionalism: birthday, Friday, gameday, graduation day*. Alcohol chemically and psychologically enforces that exceptionalism, that break with the ordinary and unremarkable mood of your day. Without alcohol, the appropriate sentiment isn’t something you can “turn on,” just as you can’t turn on happiness. But the parties require that you turn on, or be a wallflower until you feel the right mood. That might not happen on a given night. So part of being sober is: accepting that you’ll sometimes not be able to immediately immerse yourself in the energy of a gathering, or enjoy a social interaction when your heart isn’t in it. Sometimes, you just won’t like an evening with hordes. You have to start obeying your natural moods: no more drowning a few and suddenly feeling talkative, exuberant, thrilled, energized, sexualized, rowdy. (You’ll feel that way often enough, but not by your command). *The can opening, the cork popping: these signal a shift in mood that is largely psychological, and only later chemical. For me, a Friday night party has no start gun; my mood is as it was when I left the office. It may slowly shift into something else, but it will not do so quickly and definitively. Alcohol is useful and probably necessary for a functional society, and if it’s not good for you, accept this: you will have limitations and angst, and -most painfully- boredom. But after a while, you develop around them, and sobriety becomes something you love.
  • Lonlienes is the the one that has broken me.
  • Probably because, NEWS FLASH: meeting girls is so much easier when drinking booze at night and early in the morning at parties, bars and clubs.

mills:

brianvan:

It’s not so much that I feel like I absolutely NEED a drink… though all this water is keeping my taste buds quite bored… but alcohol seems to be the keystone of all decent spontaneous social plans in NYC. What the hell am I supposed to do that DOESN’T involve alcohol?

I hate to say it, but there is a difficult adjustment period. Years in, I go out all the time: to bars, clubs, parties, and I rarely miss a Mardi Gras, and I never feel temptation. The urge comes, I find, when I’m alone or depressed or enraged or facing some dire life circumstance like heartbreak. Proximity to alcohol isn’t a problem; proximity to not giving a fuck is.

That said, there’s no avoiding this fact: American social activity in particular (and much of the world’s in general) is based on “celebration,” on social gatherings whose energy and raison d’etre come from a cathartic excitement and an existential exceptionalism: birthday, Friday, gameday, graduation day*. Alcohol chemically and psychologically enforces that exceptionalism, that break with the ordinary and unremarkable mood of your day.

Without alcohol, the appropriate sentiment isn’t something you can “turn on,” just as you can’t turn on happiness. But the parties require that you turn on, or be a wallflower until you feel the right mood. That might not happen on a given night.

So part of being sober is: accepting that you’ll sometimes not be able to immediately immerse yourself in the energy of a gathering, or enjoy a social interaction when your heart isn’t in it. Sometimes, you just won’t like an evening with hordes. You have to start obeying your natural moods: no more drowning a few and suddenly feeling talkative, exuberant, thrilled, energized, sexualized, rowdy.

(You’ll feel that way often enough, but not by your command).

*The can opening, the cork popping: these signal a shift in mood that is largely psychological, and only later chemical. For me, a Friday night party has no start gun; my mood is as it was when I left the office. It may slowly shift into something else, but it will not do so quickly and definitively. Alcohol is useful and probably necessary for a functional society, and if it’s not good for you, accept this: you will have limitations and angst, and -most painfully- boredom. But after a while, you develop around them, and sobriety becomes something you love.

∞ 3 months ago